Wait! I need to wait some more…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/radiate/

I woke to the sound of the rain dripping on the flowerpots underneath my bedroom window. drip.drip.drip. It is raining…again.

It has been a rainy spring. Winter had been above average in temperature with minimal snowfall. This had made for an easy winter for travel and heating bills but was troubling for the ground water levels.

Mother Nature to the rescue!

The winter precipitation deficit has been eliminated by a surplus of spring rain. The heavy rains coupled with warm temps have caused Central Ohio to undergo a metamorphosis. We have gone from fields so dry the dust from the working tractors filled the sky like smoke to fields full of ponding water and weeds. Ducks can be seen swimming in temporary ponds in the middle of corn fields.

The seeds I manage to plant in between rain deluges are benefitting from the moisture. However, it has been a tricky schedule this year. If I am unable to plant during the brief windows of sunshine then I have to wait 4-5 days before the opportunity presents itself again. I am growing lots of extra herbs this year. I plan to sell my herbs at the local Farmers Market this year. I need to get those seeds going!

The truth is, I have had the plan to sell my herbs for a couple of years. I live in a small farming community and we have a perfect little Farmers Market. There are the usual vendors that sell sweet corn and tomatoes, locally raised honey and homemade bread. But, there aren’t many specialty tables, like those that sell fresh herb.  I plan to sell fresh herbs, dried herbs and live herbs in pots.  I have ideas about how I want my table to look, what I will wear and how I will greet the customers. Should I get business cards made? Then folks would have my contact info and they could stop at my farm to pick up fresh herbs for their dinner.

Doesn’t that sound like a great plan? I can make some extra money doing something I love. I have always wanted to start a venture like this. I would make new connections and forge new friendships. My self confidence and it’s cousin, self esteem would soar.

Yet, for some unknown reason, I have yet to put the plan into action. I have planned and planted for 2 summers. I always seem to find a reason this summer isn’t the “right summer”. The excuses are as endless as the rain, this summer it’s too hot, too dry, too cold or too wet. I am too busy, too sad or too stressed to implement the plan.

It is an undeniable fact of human nature that we like to procrastinate. We put off going to the doctor, the gym and the store. We know we should but yet we don’t.

I have become an expert at rescheduling tasks. From returning phone calls to organizing closets, I can reason my way to rescheduling every time. I have read countless self help books and self analyzed my self destructive behaviors incessantly.

This is what I know.

At the core of self doubt and procrastination is the fear of failure. The invisible forcefield that surrounds me and prevents me from fulfilling my destiny is made of fear. I read somewhere that when you are feeling stuck and unable to complete your action plan, ask yourself, ” If you knew that you would be successful at your new venture, would you still be stuck in procrastination?” In other words, if  failure wasn’t even possible, how motivated would you be today to start your plan? I know my answer to that question. I would jump in, feet first, and fully immerse myself into my new action plan. But, we can’t see into the future and we can not be guaranteed success.

I hold my dreams in my heart like one of my fragile seedlings. I lovingly tend to them. I wait for the perfect weather to plant them in the garden. I fret over choosing just the right spot and just the right time. If I plant them too early, they will not be strong enough to survive. If I wait too long, then the plants will stop growing inside their restrictive containers. This is how I feel about my dreams.

When I was younger, I planted my dreams with unbridled enthusiasm. I believed that I could make my dreams come true. Anything was possible. However,life has a way of changing your perceptions of what is actually possible. Stuff happens. My precious dreams were trampled by careless feet running through my garden. My seedlings did not thrive. I grew fearful of planting new dreams.

The problem is, if I don’t plant new dreams then nothing will be growing in my garden. I feel parental towards my dreams. Any parent that has watched their child climb into a car and drive away from your protective arms knows how gut wrenching it can be. The moment you realize you can not protect them from danger and you can not control their decisions, is the moment you give away your power. This precious child that you have given your life for, is now just driving away. Anything could happen. The same is true for your dreams. We have nurtured them and loved them. But, at some point, you have to let them soar on their own. In order for your dreams to fulfill themselves you have to let them go.

Fear is a powerful emotion. It can keep you safe but it can also keep you unfulfilled. Over the years, I have had some good plans and some not so good plans. But the only way I know the difference is because I tried. Yes, some of my dreams got trampled in the garden but some of them have grown into strong beautiful sunflowers. Sunflowers that dropped their seeds and created new unexpected seedlings. New flowers growing in my garden that I didn’t even know was possible.

Don’t let fear stop you from fulfilling your dreams. This is the year I will start my business. Who knows what will happen? I can’t wait to find out.

What will you discover when you let go of fear and plant your dreams?

Radiate your dreams into the Universe.

 

 

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